


I'm Sorry

by Mischel



Series: My Special Star [1]
Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: Gen, Merlin commits suicide, Merlin's pov, Sad, arthur watches
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-18
Updated: 2016-08-18
Packaged: 2018-08-09 14:15:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 499
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7804957
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mischel/pseuds/Mischel
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>PART #6 - This is sad and really old oneshot I wrote about two years ago. Merlin commits suicide and he dies while Arthur watches.</p>
            </blockquote>





	I'm Sorry

I feel that my heart starts to pound faster than before. Arthur doesn't know yet, but I know what it is. I couldn't bear it anymore. To look into his eyes everyday, knowing I'm nothing more but a liar. Knowing that I'm lying to _him_.

Slowly I feel my legs and arms, starting to tremble. And this time, Arthur looks up from his papers on his table to look at me, if I'm alright. If I am alright as I always claim myself to be. But not this time. Not ever more.

His blue eyes wide when he sees me. I know I am pale and that I'm falling on the cold stone floor, I used to clean so many times in my short life. A life that was short, yet it felt like centuries of lying and denying of what I truly am. Centuries of hiding and lying to my best friend. But that will end soon. I won't feel the guilt, stabbing my heart every time I see him. Everytime he shares something with me, thinking I'm honest too. But only I know that I am not.

I'm lying on the floor, and suddenly I feel someone lifts me and asks what is happening. But I cannot answer. I'm too weak. I feel Arthur hugging me tight and shaking my shoulders to keep me awake. But he won't succeed. It's already too late. I _am_ dying. And there is nothing he could do. Just hold me tight and show me how close friends we were. Show me that I didn't have to go. That I didn't have to leave him there alone...

But I had to.

I hear him calling my name in between his sobs. I know he wishes me to live. I know he wishes to see my face with that stupid grin of mine, calling for him to wake up. I know that in this moment he wishes this most of all. But his wish won't be fulfill.

Something wet's dripping on my cheeks and I slowly look up to see Arthur's blurred face, crying for me. Crying for someone who will be just a motionless body in the next few minutes. And maybe, when I try to focus on myself for the last time, I know I'm crying too. My cheeks are wet by tears of me - a servant, hidden sorcerer and the best friend of the Once and the Future King - and tears of Arthur. And maybe on the fraction of a second I think I was wrong. That maybe it wasn't the time yet. That maybe, I could stay a little longer and that I really didn't have to go.

But the thought is fading away, as my soul slowly is as well. And in the last second of my false life full of lying, in the last breath that holds me up before I fall into the sweet world of darkness, unconsciousness and death, I hear myself whisper:

"I'm sorry..."

**Author's Note:**

> I'm sorry...
> 
> for any grammar mistakes you found. And for the heartache I've caused. ♥


End file.
